There's a First Time for Everything
by Black-and-Scarlet
Summary: First love, first kiss, first heartbreak... these were just some of the things I was experiencing for the very first time in my sixteen years of life. And somehow, I could feel that no matter how hard I tried, there wasn't any happy ending waiting for me.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**There's a First Time for Everything**

I glanced at my wristwatch and saw that it was already a few minutes pass six. Pulling my scarf a bit higher so that it would cover my mouth and rest underneath my nose, I sat down on a bench nearby. It was way too early, but I was really anxious. I just couldn't sit down inside my room and wait for the clock to reach seven. It's just…

Was it right to say that I was –at that time- really desperate? Hopeless, perhaps?

Well, whatever adjective one can think of to describe my state of being at that moment, I didn't really care that much. My brother was laughing at me and teasing me when I left, asking, "Going to see your boyfriend?"

As an answer to that, I gave him one of my famous death glares and he instantly shut up. I decided then to leave immediately, after reminding him of one thing. "He _is not_ my boyfriend."

Well, that was true. Gakupo was not my boyfriend. It never really happened. We weren't even close, at the very least. I was just a classmate to him, a person whose name was in the same list of honor students as him, the girl with the same class number as him and the one who he copied his Algebra assignments from without even asking.

A sigh escaped from my parted lips and was muffled by my scarf. I looked up at the sky and noticed that it got dark earlier than usual. The clouds looked thick and nasty, but I doubt it would rain. If it did, then I must be some sort of magnet for bad luck and misfortune.

Bit by bit the wind got colder, and the surroundings became covered with a white blanket of snow. I buttoned my jacket –which was the third layer of clothing I was wearing, excluding my underwear- and took out my gloves from my pocket. I put them on since my fingers were freezing.

I never liked the cold. They reminded me of hopelessness and heartbreaks and such.

On the other side of the street were couples walking happily. They had their arms looped around each other and they were all cuddly and stuff like that. An unreasonable pang of envy shot through me, and I had to avert my eyes from the scene.

It's so unfair, ne?

Why were some people happy, while others were being miserable?

"Look, look! It's the first snow of winter!" I heard a high-pitched voice say. I looked up and saw one of the couples looking up at the sky. I raised my head, and true enough, it was snowing.

It was beautiful.

I looked at my wristwatch again and saw that it was way too early before seven. I stood up from the bench and looked across the street.

It was the first day of December, as well.

Right across from where I was standing was a little Christmas shop. On its left was a bakery, and on its right stood a toy store. Having nothing else better to do at the moment, I decided to entertain myself by watching the activities going on inside the three shops. I looked to my left, then to my right, before I crossed the street.

Through the glass window, I could see the display of the Christmas shop. They had this cute little Christmas tree colored a lush green. It was artificial, though. There were little Christmas balls of different colors hanging around it and some bright and blinking Christmas lights, as well. I smiled to myself. Then something caught my eye; something that glimmered and sparkled underneath the light of the shop. I turned my head and saw that it was a silver necklace. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was a locket.

"This would make a good parting gift for him," I muttered to myself.

I fished for my wallet inside my jacket and went inside the shop. I was genuinely surprised when I saw Meiko and Kaito inside. They seemed surprised, too. "Luka-chan?"

I smiled and bowed down a little, saying, "Good evening."

"Uh, good evening," Kaito said, bowing down a bit as well with one hand behind his head.

"What brings you here, Luka-chan?" Meiko asked, walking up to my side and placing a hand on my shoulder lightly.

"Umm… I just came here to have a look," I answered.

"You gonna buy something?" Kaito asked.

"Well, actually, yes…" I said. "It's that locket over there."

I turned and pointed towards the place by the glass window where I first saw the locket. They followed with their gaze and said "Ah, I see…" in unison.

"What about you two? What are you doing here?" I asked.

Meiko grinned and answered, "We were buying some decorations for the Christmas party next week."

"Oh…" I said, suddenly remembering something. "Right, we have a Christmas party coming! Oh no, I'm a part of the organizing committee as well, I should help you guys prepare. Sorry! I totally forgot, I was just too occupied these pat few days."

"No worries," Meiko assured me, patting my head lightly. "We got it all under control. We can handle it. I perfectly understand the current situation you're in."

I smiled at her a bit.

"Too bad Gakupo-kun can't attend," Kaito said, and I suddenly felt something inside me ache. Meiko noticed, and she quickly slapped the back of Kaito's head. "Ow! What was that for, Meiko-chan?"

"Oh nothing… can you go and be inconsiderate somewhere else?" Meiko snapped.

Then, as if realizing something important, Kaito hurriedly bowed low in front of me while apologizing. "Oh yeah! Sorry, sorry Luka-chan! That was so thoughtless of me."

"No, no! It's fine, really. If there's anyone who is inconsiderate, that'd be Gakupo-kun!" I said, holding Kaito's shoulders. "Please, raise your head. It's alright."

Kaito looked up and offered me an apologetic smile. I tried my hardest to smile back. I wasn't mad at Kaito, but any mentioning of Gakupo's name and the inevitable truth that he's leaving pierced right through my heart like a knife.

Meiko clapped her hands twice to catch our attention, and both Kaito and I turned our heads toward her at exactly the same time. "Okay, enough about depressing stuff! Let's go buy you that locket, Luka-chan."

I nodded at her. Then, the three of us walked towards where the locket was located. I took it and examined it first. It didn't look new, but was in good condition. It gave off some sort of spark when placed under a light, and it had some carvings on it. The shape was like a small rectangle, and when I opened it, I saw that the same carvings decorated the inside. All in all, it was really beautiful. I smiled.

"So…?" Meiko asked, waiting.

I faced her with a smile. "I like it. I'll buy it."

The two smiled, and they accompanied me to the counter where I paid for the locket. Then after that, I went out of the shop and bid them goodbye. They said they still had some things to buy for the party.

I decided to check out the toy store next. I put the locket inside my pocket and walked towards the right. I pressed my palm and forehead against the glass window of the toy store and saw that I knew the children playing inside. They were Rin, Len, Piko, Miki, and Yuki. Miku was there as well, watching over them like a big sister. They all looked so happy, and I thought, it's so fun to be a child, ne? So happy and free of worries.

The group saw me watching them and waved, smiling. I waved as well and gave them a smile. The twins yelled something at me –but of course, I didn't hear it through the glass- and judging from the way their lips moved, I realized they said "Merry Christmas!"

A sudden grumbling from my stomach made me pull away from the glass. And then I remembered I haven't eaten anything since lunchtime, which was around noon. I made my way towards the bakery, waving goodbye to the children.

The bakery seemed more peaceful than the previous shops. I pushed the door open, and a small bell rang. I was greeted by two familiar faces, and they belonged to Lily and Kiyoteru.

"Lily-chan? Kiyo-san? You two work here?" I asked.

"Only for the holidays," Kiyoteru answered.

"Well, I wouldn't call it a holiday anymore since we're working, ne, Kiyo-kun?" Lily asked, elbowing Kiyoteru's side. As an answer, the man laughed softly. Lily then ran up to my side and looped an arm around mine. "So, what can we get you, Luka-chan? We'll give you a special holiday discount!"

"Well-" before I could even finish my sentence, Lily pulled me towards the counter. There were all kinds of sweets and pastries, some with chocolate sprinkles and some with vanilla cream. There were different varieties of bread, steaming hot and delicious-smelling. But what really caught my attention were the cakes; piled up and waiting to be ordered. There was chocolate, there was mocha, there was white cream, but in the end I settled for the strawberry shortcake.

When I was about to order, the bell rang from behind us and Lily welcomed the customer. "Welcome! Oh, if it isn't Gumi-chan! Hello."

I turned and saw that Gumi was there, smiling and walking towards me. "Luka-chan!"

"Ah, Gumi-chan," I said, then she hugged me and pulled back quickly.

"What are you buying?" she asked.

"Strawberry shortcake," I answered.

"Ooh… Yum, I'll buy those, too!" she exclaimed, then she went to the counter and placed her order for five strawberry shortcakes. She quickly paid for them.

"Someone has quite an appetite tonight," Lily commented.

"They're not all for me," Gumi said, handing me a paper bag. "Here, Luka-chan. My treat!"

"Uh, no it's fine! I have money for myself," I said.

"No, this is my special Christmas treat and cheer-up cake for you!" she insisted, and I had no choice but to accept it.

"Cheer-up cake?" Lily asked.

"Yup," Gumi answered.

I looked inside the paper bag and saw two cakes inside. "Two?"

"One always isn't enough," Gumi winked, then she pulled me out of the bakery.

Lily and Kiyoteru waved me goodbye, and I only managed a small nod in response. Once outside the bakery, Gumi turned abruptly and faced me. "Err… Gumi-chan, thanks for the cakes," I said.

"It's no big deal, Luka-chan! Stop making such a big fuss about it. It's not like you owe a life-long debt to me. You won't die of two harmless little sweets!" she said, giggling.

"It's just… this is the very first time someone treated me to something," I said.

She stopped giggling and eyed me skeptically. "Seriously? What about your boyfriend?"

"B-Boyfriend?" I sputtered.

"Gakupo-kun never treated you out to lunch or something?" she asked.

"Whoa, whoa… first, Gakupo-kun is not –I repeat, _is not_- my boyfriend, and second, no. He never treated me out to anything," I answered.

"Why?" she asked me again.

"Because he has no reason to. That guy and I are hardly friends," I said.

She was quiet for a moment, then she spoke up. "By the way… that guy, he's leaving today, right?"

"Tonight," I said, pointing out that it was already dark.

"Then… what about you?" she asked, sounding concerned.

I forced a smile. "I'll be fine… somehow." The stabbing pain in my chest suddenly returned.

Gumi hugged me tightly and whispered a quick "I'm here" before pulling back. She smiled at me and turned around, waving a hand. "I gotta go."

I nodded, then she ran off. I watched her until she was out of my line of vision. I stood there in my place for a while, frozen. I just said I'll be fine in order to not worry anyone, but in truth, will I really be?

This was the very first time I felt so confused, so pained, so… so… so… I don't know.

So clueless?

I sighed again and held the paper bag in my hand tightly. I decided to go back to the bench I was sitting on a while ago. I turned and looked at both sides of the street, then when I was sure no cars were passing by, I crossed.

I sat down on the same bench I occupied before and sighed exasperatedly. Why was my life so difficult? This was the first time I ever viewed it that way.

"Luka-san?" a voice called, and I snapped my head up, only to find Gakupo standing right in front of me, his hands inside his pocket. Was it seven already? He lifted an eyebrow questioningly at me, as if to ask, "What are you doing here?"

I forced a smile on my face, but he didn't offer any back.

This guy was just too… too…

He's an inconsiderate jerk.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, seeing that I refused to talk.

"I know you won't believe me if I said this was merely a coincidence," I said.

"I'm glad you realize that," he said.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. Talk about being rude. "Jerk."

His eyebrow rose higher. "Excuse me? Do you want to talk about something?"

I smirked at him and lifted my paper bag. "In fact, I do. But first… want some cake?"

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

_A/N: So... this is just some random stuff I came up with due to my feelings at the moment. If you want me to continue this, please review!  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**Why I Even Fell for You, I Do Not Know**

The first time I saw him, I was in my first year of high school. I really didn't care about anything much at that time; just letting myself go with the flow of this game they called "life" and such. And I gotta admit, he didn't make much of an impression at all.

That was, until we first talked face-to-face.

_Flashback…_

"_So you're name's Megurine Luka, eh?" he asked, extending his hand in front of me._

_I looked at it hesitantly, wondering what it was that he wanted. I slowly took his hand, then we shook. "Umm… yeah. You're Kamui Gakupo-san?"_

_He grinned at me, showing perfect white teeth. "Yup. That's me."_

_We let go of our hands, and I asked, "What is it that you want? Class A students don't usually talk with Class B ones."_

"_You believe there's some sort of barrier between our classes?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow._

"_Well, it's just that most of you guys think you're better than any of us. It's kinda… how do you put this?" I said, scratching my cheek._

"_Frustrating?" he suggested._

"_Yeah… yeah, that will work," I smiled._

_He laughed softly, shaking his head. "Not all of us are like that. And, you've proved us wrong. You're on the third spot, and moreover you got the award for best in Mathematics. Honestly, I've heard rumors about you in my class and I thought you were some sort of nerd-y or geek-y freak."_

"_Rumors?" I raised a brow._

"_Yeah. They say you're a Math Wizard," he answered._

"_Huh."_

_We talked for a little more before I decided it was time to go. But before he let me leave, he whispered a little something for me._

"_Good luck. Guess we're competing now. I just want you to know, I won't let you beat me. But, prove me wrong if you like."_

_End of Flashback…_

Academic matters. That was the only reason why he approached me most of the time.

It's been an entire year since our first encounter. And I have to admit, at that moment I felt some kind of attraction towards him. It felt really weird, and I couldn't describe it at all. But during my second year, I realized what it was.

_Flashback…_

"_Luka-chan~" Gumi appeared behind me and hugged my shoulders. I turned my head to her briefly, before focusing back on my lunch. She removed herself from me and took a seat right in front of my desk._

"_What's up?" I asked._

"_Class A and Class B are now combined into one! We're now Class 2-A, isn't that just exciting?" she winked._

"_Exciting in what way?" I asked again, before taking a sip from my can of soda._

"_New faces, new classmates, new friends, new enemies, new competition, new experiences, you name it! This is going to be lots of fun…" she grinned. Gumi was always one who looked at things in the positive side._

"_Gumi-chan," I sighed, placing the lid of my lunchbox back._

_She lifted an eyebrow. "Luka not finishing her lunch? Oh no! This is bad, it's the apocalypse!"_

"_Haha, very funny Gumi-chan," I said. I took more gulps from my can of soda._

_She laughed a bit, before leaning her body forward and asking, "Nee, nee, Luka-chan. You like someone in this class, don't you?"_

_I almost spat out what I was drinking. Instead, I just choked and forced myself to swallow. "G-Gumi-chan! What _are_ you talking about?"_

"_It's Gakupo-kun, ne?" she whispered. "I noticed you're always talking to him. Nee, do you want me to talk to him for you?"_

"_That's not necessary; it's just a simple high school crush. That's all," I said._

_She leaned her back against the chair and gave a shrug._

_End of Flashback…_

It was no simple crush. It turned out to be something more than that, but not quite reaching love yet. It was, I guess, what they called "puppy love". But, no matter what it was, my friends counted this experience as my first love.

First love…

Ugh… this was really driving me to the brink of my sanity.

Gakupo sat down beside me on the bench and offered me a cup of steaming hot coffee, jolting me out of my little trance. I looked at him, but he didn't meet my gaze. He was looking at the road in front of us.

I took the cup and laughed humorlessly, muttering, "That's a first."

He looked at me questioningly. "Huh?"

"First time you ever gave me anything. And it's coffee, my favorite stress drink. Thanks," I said, before taking a sip from my cup.

I placed it down beside me. He had one in his hand, too. I took the cakes out of the paper bag and gave him one. He stared at it for a while, before he finally accepted. "Strawberry shortcake?"

I shrugged. "I just had this sudden urge to eat something pink and sweet."

"Again, are you inside that little box of yours?" he asked, smiling a bit.

I laughed a little, but not forcibly this time. "You know every single detail about me, don't you?"

"Well," he said, taking a bite on his cake. "You're pretty easy to read. Why don't you extend that box of yours and let someone else in if you don't want to break free from it?"

"Hmm… maybe," I said, taking a bite on my cake as well. We sat and ate in silence, and somehow I got this weird, somewhat happy and contented feeling inside my heart.

It was noisy in the street, sure, but it's as if I couldn't hear them, or maybe I really just didn't care. Just like what he suggested earlier, I have included someone in my own personal little box. And it was him.

It wasn't really a box. I just imagined it. I was somehow unique, but I can't say it was in a good way. I was often alone, though I have my friends around me. I wasn't alone literally. I was alone in a way that no one was the same as me, therefore no one really understood me much. They told me I have my own little world, like there was a barrier separating me from them. It's not like I wanted to be like this, but…

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't change who I was.

Who I am…

This was me, my own unique personality, and my own style and way of living. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not.

Gakupo understood this somehow. And now, he was unaware that he had a very important part in my special box.

I tugged his sleeve. "Nee, nee, Gakupo-kun. Is it… alright if I include you in my little box, even just this once?"

He blinked a couple of times, before he gave a low chuckle. "I didn't expect that one. Okay, so you're not that easy to read."

I smiled at him hopefully. "So...?"

"Okay, fine. It's not that much of a deal for me, anyway. But, wouldn't you like to break free from it instead?" he asked.

"I like being crazy and in my own private world where no one can judge me, thank you very much," I answered.

He seemed to hesitate, but pat me on the head lightly anyway. "You're one extraordinary girl. I gotta admit, I'll miss that."

I removed his hand from my head and continued eating. He said _that_, not _you_, I reminded myself. He'll miss my personality, not specifically me.

I didn't know whether I should be happy or sad.

I sighed when my cake was all done, and gulped down the remaining coffee in my cup. I stood up and threw my trash in the trashcan. He followed me soon after, then he decided we have a little walk and talk.

"So… I believe you have something to tell me," he said.

"What makes you say that?" I asked.

"This was no coincidence, you and me meeting here. How long have you been waiting?" he asked me back.

I shrugged. "About an hour or so."

"What? It's cold, you could have caught a cold," he said.

I smiled. "It's as if you'll care."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing."

I stopped in my tracks and faced the sky. He stopped as well and turned his head towards me. "What's the matter?"

"Remember the time I confessed to you?"

_Flashback…_

"_So, what is it you want to tell me, Luka-san?" Gakupo asked._

_I played with the hem of my blouse, looking down to hide my probably blushing face. He walked towards me, then placed a hand on my shoulder. "Err… you see…"_

"_If it's about our project, I already finished it. Don't worry, I included your name," he said._

_I raised my head and shrugged his hand off. "No, it's not about that! Could you please stop talking to me only about schoolwork and academic stuff! It's so frustrating, you know?"_

_He raised a brow. "Then, what is it you want to tell me?"_

"_I…" I bit on my lower lip, then released it. "I-I… I… I like you."_

_He stared for a while, then laughed a little. "That's it?"_

"_W-What? That took a lot of effort, you know!" I exclaimed._

_He stopped laughing and turned his back to me, waving a hand. "Yeah, yeah… I already know that for quite some time now. It's so darn obvious."_

_I felt my face heat up. "Y-You… you could have at least been a little considerate and answer me properly! You… you… jerk!"_

_End of Flashback…_

"Who would forget that?" he asked, smiling wryly.

I looked back at him. At that moment, I realized that the only reason why he ever talked to me was for assignments or school stuff and such. So I thought, if I wasn't in the honor roll, would he even have a reason to talk to me at all? Or even notice me at the very least?

The fact was hurting me in so many ways.

"I hated your answer," I said.

"What? I just said that I already know, and that's true," he said.

"Ever thought about putting the sake of one's feelings and emotional state first before opening your frustratingly attractive mouth?' I asked, grinning a bit.

"Well, sorry for being inconsiderate," he said, raising his hands as if in defeat.

"Apology _not_ accepted," I smirked, turning around.

"Oh, come on."

"You have no idea how much pain I went through. How much frustration and confusion you've brought into my life. How your very existence ruined a lot of things for me," I said.

"Well, excuse me for being born," he said.

I turned my head slightly to him. "But… I just can't bring myself to hate you, or even dislike you, at the very least. No matter how mad I become, no matter how angry I get at you, I just can't… forget you. Call me a drama queen, call me an idiot, call me an over-reacting freak, but… that's just how I feel."

He walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Well, your worries are about to end since their source is leaving tonight."

"Hmm… guess so."

He turned me by the shoulders so that I was facing him. "Promise me, you won't throw away your life and be in a depressed state. I don't want to ruin anything for you. Just forget me. Forget I ever existed."

"That's a little difficult," I muttered.

"Luka-san… you're a really important friend to me. I don't want to be the cause of your miseries."

"Friend? That's new."

"Stop that. Of course you're my friend."

"Well, I'm glad. I thought for you I was just a person who was in the same classroom as you. At least friend's in a higher level."

He smiled. I smiled as well.

And at that moment, I just wished time would stop and never move again, just leaving us two in that perfect moment where he's holding me, smiling at me, and letting me know I'm a part of his life.

"I just have one thing to do before I finally leave," he said.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"Let you free from your little box."

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

_A/N: Chapter 2 is here. Hope you guys like it. Some events here are true and really happened in real life, btw…_

_Thanks for those who reviewed!_

_Oh, and to oo0heARtbReaK0oo, don't worry, my dearest kouhai… as long as you are by my side I'll be fine. I guess… senpai loves you, y'know? *laughs*  
_


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**Sure, Break Down My Little World… If You Can**

"That sounds a bit difficult," I smirked, looking past his shoulder.

He cupped my chin and made me look straight into his eyes. The butterflies in my stomach fluttered and my heart swelled once my sapphire-like eyes met his beautiful mauve ones. "There's no harm in trying."

The seriousness laced in his tone made my chest throb. I swallowed hard though my mouth was very dry, and my lips were slightly trembling. I held his hands and made them let go of my shoulder, regretting that I had to ruin this perfectly perfect moment. "The last train leaves at nine pm… you have less than two hours to do so."

He backed away and shrugged indifferently. "Okay, so maybe doing that is kinda impossible."

"Not kinda, _really_ impossible," I said, looking away.

"What's so special about it, anyway?" he asked.

I turned my head back to him and raised a brow. "About what?"

"Your own deranged world."

"Deranged?" I snickered.

"What? You said it yourself once before. I meant no offense," he defended quickly.

"None taken," I said.

He smiled somewhat apologetically. "Sorry? Now, back to my question."

I sighed. "Nothing's special about it, except that it's… purely me. All mine. My own little world where I can be myself and not be judged; where I wouldn't have to experience the hurtful reality of things in life again."

"You seriously need help," he said.

I smiled. "Maybe I do, but… who knows? What if I'm happy this way?"

He was silent for a while, studying me carefully. After a few minutes, he asked me slowly, "Are you?"

His question was met with silence. I eyed him skeptically, slightly narrowing my gaze. Slowly, I asked him, "And just what do you mean by that?"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm just… wondering. Are you happy that way?"

"Yes," I answered flatly. "Yes I am."

"Are… you sure?" he asked.

I bit on my lower lip, then released it. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but closed it again because nothing came up. My usually clever mind couldn't even think of one little comeback at what he just asked. A frustrated groan left my lips. I raised my hands, pressing two fingers against my temples. "What are you trying to get at here?"

"I'm trying to help you out. Seriously," he said.

I brought my hands back down to my sides and felt the corners of my mouth tug up into a smirk. "So now you're Mr. I-Wanna-Help-You-Out? Gakupo-kun, I'm fine the way I am. I'm happy inside my own deranged world."

An uneasy silence followed. We just stood there, looking at each other. I was pretty sure my face showed no emotion at that moment. Meanwhile, he looked like he was sad… serious… sympathizing… what?

"Luka-san," he said, but stopped, biting down on his lower lip.

I blinked once… twice… thrice… I lost count on how many times my eyes have fluttered open and close before I finally said, "Gakupo-kun, thanks a lot, really."

At this, he seemed genuinely surprised. "Why are you thanking me all of a sudden? And for what?"

A sad smile made its way on my face. "First question, it's because you're leaving in" –I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was seven thirty-three already- "One hour and twenty-seven minutes, unless my Mathematics skills have faltered due to emotional distress."

He smiled a bit and gave a low laugh. "No, you're correct. You're better in numbers than me, remember?"

"True. But when it comes to Science, I'd rather be in a sumo wrestling match and be face-to-face with a mountain bear than give the scientific name for a human," I said, rolling my eyes at the end.

"That's an easy one, and I know you know the answer to that," he grinned slightly.

I crossed my arms against my chest. "Homo Sapiens… there, happy?"

"See… you're not all that oblivious when it comes to the subject."

"Taxonomy is just one thing. Sure, it's kinda easy, but I _still_ hate Biology, Physics _and_ Chemistry. And any other kind of Science you could name. Just make an exception with Nomenclature and Genetics. Those parts are okay with me."

"I see you're attached with x's and y's."

"Hey," a smirk tugged at my lips, "Algebra _is_ my thing."

"Yeah, and so is grammar and literature."

"You beat me in English."

"_Once._"

I paused for a while, letting a frustrated breath out. "Fine, let's say English is my forte as well."

"See, you used another word I don't know. _Forte_. What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Forte. Specialty, asset, strong point, gift…" I answered.

"And yet another English word is added to my dictionary thanks to the one and only Megurine Luka," he grinned, then rolled his eyes.

"Along with the other words you've learned from me, namely _cliché, unrequited, culprit, unreciprocated, gibberish_, and many many more among others," I smirked even more. "Now, remind me again, how did our conversation ended up like this?"

"Trying to see who's smarter?"

"Shut up," I waved my hands up then crossed them again. "Now, back to your second question, I'm thanking you for putting up with me all this time."

"Putting up?" he asked.

I raised a hand to stop him form talking. "Let me finish. I know I've been really annoying these past few months and I'm always irritating you. Thanks for not slapping me in the face despite all of that, and I'm sorry as well."

"Luka-san…"

Another silence followed. But it only lasted for a few seconds before I decided to break it. "I made a little something for you, by the way."

"Huh?" he asked.

I cleared my throat, before speaking.

"_They say to love is a blessing from up above,_

_So many chased after this thing that they called love;_

_But slipped from their fingertips like fine grains of sand,_

_And there is nothing but air to be found at hand."_

I stopped for a while, trying to remember the next lines. He spoke. "Another one of your little compositions?"

I smiled and continued.

"_Nothing can truly compare to what one will feel;_

_But when hurt and bruised, with time will it really heal?_

_Not only is it a gift, but also a curse,_

_It can turn for the best; it can turn for the worst."_

"_I loved but was unreturned; I was badly hurt,_

_I sought for it but did not find any comfort;_

_Deep down inside I was aware my heart shattered,_

_But to that person, none of it really mattered."_

I looked at him through serious eyes as my poem finished. He stared back and said, "Three stanzas, four lines, twelve syllables? Not bad."

"Gakupo-kun."

Silence.

Then he reached out his hand, smiling warmly. I felt my eyes widen, and my heart pound against my chest, out of control. I raised my hand and moved it towards him, bit by bit, always with that slight hesitation.

"Come out," he whispered. "There's more to the world than you can imagine."

I stopped halfway. "I…"

His hand didn't move at all, and so did mine. Our fingertips were a few inches away from brushing, but something was stopping me. I wanted so badly to hold his hand, but I didn't want to at the same time. It didn't make any sense, even to me.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

"I…" I bit on my lower lip, then released it. "I've already experienced many hurtful things."

"All part of the past," he answered. "They don't matter anymore. Look straight forward. Life has so much more to offer."

He was the one who closed those remaining few inches, and he wrapped his fingers around mine. His warm skin felt nice against my cold fingers due to dried sweat. I swallowed again, only this time my mouth wasn't so dry anymore.

And then all of a sudden, I was pulled. I lost my footing and landed against his chest, and his arms were around me in an instant, circling my shoulders. "Fine, don't come out. But…" his voice lowered to a whisper, "Let me in with you, even for just a while."

My face heated up just a bit, and I could feel a blush crawling on my cheeks. My heart –if possible- went faster, banging and throbbing furiously against my chest. The butterflies in my stomach multiplied and fluttered around uneasily. My breath hitched, my balance was off, and my arms couldn't move. They just stayed there, falling limply on my sides. I couldn't find my voice, and the words I wanted to speak caught and locked up in my throat. My head was full; my mind spinning in circles, and my brain was overflowing with a million thoughts and a billion emotions.

"Let someone share your life with you, even for a few minutes," he whispered in my ear. "I know I can't change your principles in life. I know I can't understand you fully, because I didn't experience what you felt before. If you're contented that way, fine by me. Just…" I could feel his arms tighten their grip a bit. "Don't think that there's no one in the world who could be there for you when you need him. That person might not be me, but he's out there. Somewhere. Waiting for the right moment."

And he did it.

My own world didn't break, no. It only faltered a bit and cracked. There was an opening, inviting me to change my view of life. It wasn't that noticeable, but still there. His words echoed in my head.

_Life has so much to offer._

Maybe, the past should be just left there. Maybe, just maybe, I should see what's ahead and stop looking back.

He didn't manage to break my world like he said he would, but he _did_ accomplish something else.

My arms were finally able to move again, and they wrapped themselves around his neck. We stayed like that for who-knows-how-long, and I whispered gently. "Do you want to know what brought me to this state?"

We pulled apart just a little bit so that we could look at each other. "What did happen to you, anyway?"

A sigh escaped my dry, parted lips.

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

_A/N: Chapter three is done! Hope you readers like it… oh, and by the way, sorry if the poem sucks since I only made it in five minutes. My brain is running out of juice and I need to energize! To do that, I read Harry Potter fanfictions… irrelevant, I know. *laughs*_

_To my beloved kouhai, you're Gumi in this one. This is different from my first plan, actually. Oh, and it's officially goodbye to him. Last Wednesday was my final sight of him, and now I'm really, deeply regretting that I didn't say goodbye properly. *cries*_

_Never mind that! Although it _is_ painful. Anyway, I just gotta know this… WHAT'S YOUR GENERAL AVERAGE? Please give your answer through the form of a review, PM or you can text me, and if ever you re-activated your account in Facebook, message me, 'kay? *winks* if you're curious, I got 93.55… =D_

_To R.L. Black Rose, I am afraid of llamas… nah, just kidding… *laughs*_

_But seriously though, the mental image of a llama holding a bazooka and waiting at your home is kinda freaky… hahah… well, anyway, Gakupo's leaving and heading off to who-knows-where. The reason for that is because this fic is inspired by true events that really happened in someone's life *cough*my life*cough*_

_Don't worry; the ending won't be as depressing as mine. I'll make Luka happy and write it the way I wanted my own experiences to turn out. So, the ending will be far from the truth! But it won't be depressing, promise…_

_To Sakagami Hina-san, thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate it. Your reviews are inspiring, and hope you like this one, too._

_And to all who reviewed, LOVE YOU GUYS AND MANY THANKS! *insert smiley face here*_


	4. AN

_A/N: Hello…_

_I just want to let you guys know that I'm having second thoughts on whether I should continue this story or not. So, I may not update in a while. Sorry about that…_

_Anyway, just let me know what you guys think._

_~ Kurone Ayase_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**It's Not That Simple… Life's Complex**

"Do you mind if we sit down? My legs and feet are going numb with all the walking and standing," I said, waving my hand towards a nearby bench. Gakupo nodded, and I gave him a small smile. We walked toward the bench and sat.

"So…?" he asked.

"Well, it's not much of a story. Some view it as a typical misunderstanding between a group of teenage friends," I answered.

"So, it's just like that?"

"No. Listen, when I narrate my experiences, try to put yourself in my shoes. What would you feel in my situation, if it were to happen to you?"

He nodded.

I shook my head a few times, letting out a sigh. "When I was in my freshmen days, I used to belong to a group with some of my classmates. I'm not saying any names, just in case your big mouth slips and you tell anybody about this." He opened his mouth as if to say something but I raised my hand in front of his face, effectively cutting him off. I then continued, "Some of them, I've known for years now. Probably eight or even more. So, I thought that I'd be happy with their company, and I was."

"So, what's the problem?" he asked.

I looked at him directly in the eyes for a few seconds, before I stared down at my lap. "Weren't you listening? I said _was_, not _am_."

"Oh, so now you're no longer happy?"

I actually rolled my eyes at that. "Kamui Gakupo, if you think I'm still happy with them, then I wouldn't have this so-called box of mine right now, would I?"

"Good point."

I shook my head again, clicking my tongue. "Whatever."

He nudged my shoulder lightly. I laughed a bit, shrugging him off. He ran his hand up and down my back. "Continue, please?"

I rolled my eyes dramatically at him, before I continued. "We were always together –during lunch breaks, trips to the canteen, and even when we're hanging out after classes. You know, I gave my full trust, confidence, and even perhaps my loyalty to them. I believed in the friendship they showed me. I thought it was the one thing I have that will never disappear and I'll be able to treasure. But…" my voice faded a bit, and I trailed off, staring at the street in front of us. I watched a red car sped pass, and the light from its headlights was like a blur. A mother holding her daughter's hand crossed the street and swept off some snow from their jackets.

"Luka-san?" Gakupo called, sounding anxious.

A smile forced its way on my lips. "Things change eventually, I guess. I was… mistreated."

"Mistreated?" he asked, slowly and carefully.

I kicked the cemented sidewalk beneath my feet, sending some white snow flying away. I resumed staring down at my lap. "Yeah… whenever things go wrong for our group, I was the one to blame, for some reason. Hell, I can't even remember doing anything wrong to them, but it's always like that. _'Luka-chan, if you just did this…', 'Luka-chan, if you didn't do that then perhaps…', 'Luka-chan, why did you mess up?', 'Luka-chan, what on earth were you thinking?', 'this is your entire fault, you crazy woman…' _blah, blah, blah."

"Then, what did you do?"

I smiled mockingly. "Nothing. I swear I didn't do anything to them. I didn't mess it up for them, and in fact, they never let me do anything at all. And even when I apologized and knelt in front of them… they brushed me off, even when I was already crying my heart out."

Gakupo didn't say anything. I continued, laughing humorlessly. "I overheard them talking, you know. They said I was different, weird, odd… insane. That's why I left them. Imagine being me, life must be hell. Have you ever had the feeling of being out of place? Well, not just out of place, but it's as though you really had no place anywhere in the world, like nothing will ever be right for you. They had my trust, and a whole lot of other things. They had a part of me, and what did they do?"

I saw a small insect crawling down on the pavement. Gakupo saw it, too. Without even thinking twice, I raised my right foot up, and crushed the small animal with my boot. "They crushed it. They crushed _me_. I was broken, I was miserable, I had nothing left. Friends were important to me. They were a part of my life. And they just threw me away."

"Luka-san…"

"Then, they chose someone else over me. Someone they barely knew, but someone they thought would do better to their group. Ha… I was stupid for even believing in what they said. _'Friends forever! No one will ever leave the other…'_ Yeah, right."

I felt Gakupo's hand on my knee. I looked at him, and his eyes had a sad look to them. "If you're no longer happy with something, then let it go. You know what, it's much better to lose them, than to feel miserable in their company."

I smiled sadly at him. "Exactly what I did. And now look at me, stuck in my own world, all alone, but happy… definitely happy. Like I said, no one can judge me anymore, and I can be who I really am."

He bit his lower lip, then released it. "You do realize not all people are like them, right?"

I rolled my eyes at him again. "Please… how do I even know who are true and who aren't? It's not like I can walk up to them and ask, 'hey, when the time comes that you realize I'm a person who is eccentric, will you kick me away?' Yeah… that would go well."

"Luka-san, there must be someone…"

"Actually, there is one," I said, smiling as the memory came rushing back to me. "I was crying then, and people just walked pass me. But someone stopped in front of me, and I looked up. Then, I saw Gumi smiling down at me. She was the only one who reached out her hand to me when I was alone. Of course, the others I hang out with right now are my friends, too. But not to the point that I let them be as close to me as I let the ones before. Simple friendship… hanging out, laughing… but Gumi, she's the only one who has my full confidence, and she's the only one who can really make me happy with just a simple wave of her hand and a smile. I remember it clearly, every single day when I enter the classroom. Her face would shine and she'll greet me cheerfully with a 'good morning!', and I would be really happy."

"What about… me?" he asked.

I observed him for a while. "You… you, Gakupo-kun, are a classmate of mine. As you said earlier, you are my friend. A friend, but not to the extent like Gumi-chan. My view on friendship changed ever since that day in my first year. Now, I never allow anyone to know me that much, in fear that I would just get hurt again. You're my friend. Nothing more, nothing less."

He watched me silently for a while, then smiled. He reached out his hand and ruffled my light pink hair. "I guess… you do have a reason for excluding yourself from the rest of the world. I understand."

A faint smile crossed my lips. "By the way… I have something here for you."

He pulled his hand away and raised an eyebrow at me curiously. I smiled a bit wider, digging my pockets for the gift I bought earlier. My gloved hand felt the cold chains of silver. I moved my fingers slowly and touched the rectangular locket, before pulling it out of my pocket. I held it up in between us both by the end of the chains, and I watched a part of it glimmer under the streetlight. The carvings looked elegant, and it was beautiful to the sight. For a moment, I pictured Gakupo wearing it around his neck, and I momentarily wondered whose picture he'll place in it.

"For me?" he asked, slowly reaching his hand out. His fingers made contact with the pendant, wrapping around it slowly. I let go of the chain and he took it closer to him, staring at it with an expression I cannot read. For a moment, we were silent. Then, he looked up at me with a small smile. "Thanks."

"It's a parting gift," I said. "Please, hold onto it. Keep it, take care of it, wear it if you like, and… don't ever forget me."

The air of finality in my voice wiped away all traces of a smile from both our faces, and we were staring at each other. Our eyes were locked, and neither one of us was blinking. The air around us felt cooler, and I heard my heart hammering against my chest so hard that it hurt. My fists clenched and unclenched, and my lower lip was trembling very slightly as I examined Gakupo's face staring back at me.

He looked calm, that much I could say. But there was something off with his eyes. There was something unusual in them. I saw there the spark that was only present in a person's eyes when they were losing something. Something important.

I was the one who broke the eye contact. I turned my head and looked down at the ground beneath my feet, coughing once. "Err… so, you're welcome."

He was silent for a moment. I could feel his eyes on me, as though they could see right through me, into my very soul. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, running through my veins. Then I heard him move. His footsteps were gentle, careful… he was hesitating, that's for sure. His feet came within my vision, and I saw his hand extended in front of me with his palm facing upwards. I raised my head slowly, reluctant to face him since I already felt my eyes stinging. I bit on my lower lip to stop the trembling, and I forced my tears back.

I would not cry…

Not in front of him…

I kept telling myself that, but it did not seem to work, because the moment I saw his face with a contorted expression of sympathy, gratefulness, and a hint of sadness, I cracked.

In the end, I did cry…

"I really will miss you… even though you're one big jerk," my voice was hoarse. He said nothing to me; just watched me silently with that expression of his.

Then, I heard a passerby say, "Oh, is it this late already?"

I blinked, looked down at my wristwatch, and a choked sort of laugh escaped me.

"Luka-san…"

I looked back up at him and smiled miserably, still with tears in my eyes. "Time to go…"

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

_A/N: annnnnnnndddd… I'm back!_

_I have decided to continue this story. I do apologize for not updating in a while. I was gone for a whole week due to a training course. Yes, I am a girl scout!_

_And, once again, sorry if this chapter is short… I kinda hurried a little to finish this one. ^^'_

_So, anyway… review?_

_Please don't hate me!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**It Ended Even Before It Started**

Gakupo looked at his own wristwatch with an unreadable expression on his face. His brows were furrowed, as if trying hard and focusing on something. He cleared his throat once, and when he spoke his voice was hoarse. "Looks like it."

Then I understood.

He was willing himself not to cry.

I smiled a bit, though my eyes were still shining with tears. I found him adorable at times like these, when he was trying to hide his emotional side. "Real men cry," I said.

He merely lifted an eyebrow at me. "Excuse me?"

I laughed a little, covering my mouth with my hand. "It's so obvious, you know. Your eyes are all watery. If you want to cry, then do so. No one's stopping you."

He stared for a while, then straightened his face all of a sudden, clearing his throat. "I don't know what you're talking about. I will not cry."

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone."

He gave me a nasty look. I shrugged and smiled at him innocently. He then slouched, his shoulders falling forward before he let out a heavy sigh. "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Nothing. Well, at least nothing I'll say that you'll agree to," I said.

"Like what?" he asked.

"You know… like when I asked you to go out with me and you refused. Like how I asked you to eat lunch with me and you suddenly made these excuses just so you wouldn't," I answered while wiping my eyes dry.

"I did not make up excuses."

I snorted. "Oh please. I waited for you until five minutes before lunch break ended. I didn't eat anything for both breakfast and recess that day, and you just made me wait. I almost starved myself to death."

"I… I didn't know you-"

I held up one of my hands, cutting him off mid-sentence. "I don't want to hear it. Besides, that was long ago. You're forgiven."

He looked at me for a while as though he was observing me like I'm some sort of an endangered animal on the loose and wandering freely on the streets of Tokyo. "Am I… really?"

"What?" I blinked. "Forgiven?"

He nodded slowly.

"Well… of course you are. No point holding a grudge against you now, right?" I said.

He bit on his lower lip and looked away. "I guess, but… it's just that…"

"Just… what?" I asked.

"I… I never really apologized to you properly. You're the one always saying you're sorry and stuff, but…" he trailed off.

I smiled at him sadly. "In love, you'll never really know when you're hurting someone or not. You may do it unknowingly, you know. It's just that a person undergoing these circumstances gets extra sensitive and tends to notice even the smallest things. Let me ask you this, you're being nice to me, in fear that you'll hurt my feelings, right?"

He nodded once.

"I thought so… well, let me tell you that that's not how it works. It only tends to hurt more, and believe me, in my situation, I would want to know your honest feelings. Tell me the truth. But, you don't have to anymore, actually…"

"Why?" he asked me.

I forced another smile. "I overheard you talking with Miku-chan before. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, it's just… it's just that I happened to be passing by and heard that your topic of conversation was no other than me."

"What… What exactly did you hear?"

I cleared my throat once and said what I overheard, even shifting my voice high and low to imitate a boy and a girl.

"_I'm really confused, Miku-san…_

_Confused about what? Luka-chan's supposed to be the one confused here._

_Well, I never thought it'd be this hard to have someone like me._

_What do you mean?_

_What am I supposed to do? I don't know… please, help me._

_Idiot… be honest. Here's the question: do _you _have feelings for her?_

_Honestly… no._

_I see. And, you're leaving, right?_

_Yes._

_Wouldn't that be good? She'll be able to forget about you, and you'll be able to forget about her. Though I doubt that will happen… seriously, she likes you a lot. If you've only seen her before and now, you'll know how big a difference that made._

_Miku-san…_

_Just… don't hurt her, she's my friend."_

By the time I finished narrating the conversation I heard from him and Miku months ago, his mouth was open, and he was staring at me with what I could only describe as shock. There was also a hint of embarrassment in his eyes, and I found it sort of amusing to see his composure falter like that. If only this wasn't a serious moment, I'd be clutching my stomach and laughing so hard right now while either pointing a shaking finger at him or rolling on the ground. But since this was a heart-shattering situation, I pressed my lips together in a straight line and looked down.

"You… you heard that?" I heard Gakupo ask after a while. I simply nodded without looking at him. "Oh… _oh, _darn. I-I, I'm sorry, Luka-san."

"Don't. You can't force yourself to like someone," I said.

"Y-Yeah, but still… the things I said aren't-"

"Listen," I cut him off, looking at him in the eye. "That's my fault for listening in on other people's conversations. Don't apologize."

Silence.

Then, he spoke up. "So… what now?"

I forced a smile on my face before answering. "Isn't it obvious? I take you to the train station."

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

"Got your ticket?"

"Yes."

"I know I never bothered to ask this earlier, but what about your stuff?"

"It's already there."

"Huh?"

"Didn't you know? My whole family's already there along with all of our stuff."

"Then you…?"

"I asked them a few more days here, before I followed them there."

"Oh. Why?"

"I dunno. I guess deep down I know I'm still not all that ready to leave yet."

"Oh. Hmm, fascinating…"

"What is?"

"Look at the lights. They're of different colors. Pretty, isn't it?"

"Megurine Luka, you notice the oddest things."

"Hmm… you think? Wow, the town's illumination gives me this feeling… it's sorta like, sorta like…"

"Sorta like what?"

"Like magic…"

"Eh? Magic?"

"Yeah… it's wonderful."

"Seriously?"

"Yup!"

"Hmm, if you say so…"

"It's cold, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Well, it is winter after all. The wind's blowing against my face."

"Mine, too…"

"Are your hands cold?"

"Yes, a little. Why?"

"Well, we can always hold hands if you like."

"Luka-san…"

"Kidding, kidding! Jeez…"

"Fine, then."

"Fine, what?"

Instead of answering, he took his hand out of his coat pocket and held mine in it. I sucked in a breath of air. We were just engaging ourselves in small talk while we made our way to the train station, and somehow, it got to this. Weird, but not exactly awkward. Warm, yes… nice, even. Oh, god. Now my heart was thumping loudly against my chest and my cheeks were heating up.

"Luka-san?"

"Quiet."

He did so, and we walked the rest of our way in complete, comfortable, heart-pounding silence.

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

"So…"

I fidgeted a bit, thinking of what to say. Gakupo smiled at me, then he took out the locket I gave him earlier from inside his pocket and put it on. "Thanks again for this."

"No problem," I answered, taking in a deep breath. Finally releasing it, I said "Look" at the same time he said "Listen." I blinked at him for a while, and he did the same. "Okay, you go first," I said after a while.

"Well, how should I put this… err… you remember what Miku-san and I talked about, right?" he asked.

"Yes…" I answered slowly, not sure what he was trying to get at.

"Well, I said I had no special feelings for you, but…" he trailed off, biting on his lower lip.

"But…?" I urged him to continue.

"Things… change," he said.

My eyes widened at him, and time seemed to stop. I found myself unable to speak or form coherent words, and my thoughts went scrambling in a mess. Did he just mean what I thought he meant? Did he mean that he… also… somehow… liked me back? I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could even utter one syllable out, the bell indicating the departure of the train –indicating the end of it all- rang across the station.

"Goodbye," he said, and what he did next was completely unexpected.

He leaned down and gave my cheek a quick, light, harmless little kiss. He pulled away quickly with a faint blush, then he turned around and waved, running off.

I stood there, dumbfounded. I watched as his back disappeared, as he got on board the train, and as said train moved.

A few heartbeats later, I was all alone.

Gakupo left…

Gakupo somehow admitted that he kinda liked me as well…

Gakupo kissed my cheek…

But…

No matter what else he did, it didn't change the truth…

Gakupo left…

Gakupo _left…_

Gakupo was…

Gakupo was gone…

It struck me in the face like a harsh slap. I turned around quickly, my eyes watering up. "I… I love you!" I shouted after the train, barely in sight. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" People probably thought I was crazy now. "I… I love you! I-I… I really do! I love you, Kamui Gakupo!"

I fell to my knees, still crying.

Someone touched my shoulder, but I didn't care. Someone tapped my back, but I didn't react. Someone shook me, but I didn't snap out of it.

"Miss, are you okay?"

"Are you hurt?"

"What's the matter?"

The sea of voices around me was nothing but a blur of sounds. I felt different conflicting emotions at once. Love. Sorrow. Annoyance. Happiness. Regret.

Regret…

He liked me, and maybe we could have worked this out. But, no… our relationship, it ended even before it started.

In that dizzying moment, I held onto one final thought.

I shouldn't shout goodbye or farewell to him, no…

I shouldn't say those things, because… separation wasn't always permanent. There was still a chance that we'll see each other again, and for that, this was what I had to say…

I smiled through my tears, whispering…

"See you again…"

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

_A/N: Now, this is pure fiction… it didn't happen to anyone, especially not to me. I made it all up._

_Reviews, please? They urge me to continue on with this story!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me._

_~ x X x 0 o 0 x X x ~_

**Memories Last… Goodbye Isn't Forever**

An entire week had passed since that one cold and snowy evening. I can remember clearly the illuminations of the town, the bright colors of Christmas in the shops, the smell of winter in the air, and the feel of the season. The faces I encountered along the way were all in my head; Miku, the twins, Piko and Miki in the toy store, Meiko and Kaito in the gift shop, Lily, Kiyoteru and Gumi in the bakery, and Gakupo.

Gakupo…

I reached for my cell phone and flipped it open. Still no phone calls from him, not even text messages. Grunting, I flipped it close again and threw it in my drawer.

That night I promised myself that I will not let myself fall into depression. I decided that the best solution is to move on. But, even until now I cried myself to sleep at nights until my eyes grew dry and my throat was hoarse from sobbing. Then everything around me will slowly fade into black, and I knew I was fading into unconsciousness. And when I again opened my eyes, it was morning. I was often greeted by red stinging eyes, an aching throat and a mild headache. Then I won't go out of my room unless it was time to eat or take a shower.

So much for not being depressed and moving on…

If I felt better I could roll my eyes at myself or at my reflection in front of the mirror. Or maybe I could scold myself until some sense snapped back to my seemingly turned-off brain.

My brother didn't tease me anymore since I came back. He just watched me walk up to my room with an expression I rarely saw in his playful eyes. I saw concern. I managed to give him a weak smile before I practically locked myself up.

There was a knock on my door, followed by the call of my brother. Speaking of the devil.

"Lu… someone's looking for you."

Then I heard someone else speak.

"Tell her it's Gumi!"

"Gumi-san, I told you to wait downstairs. Lu, Gumi's here."

"Oh please, get out of my way! I'll only be here for a while; I have to give her something!"

"Fine, fine! I'm letting her in Lu, I know your door's unlock. I came in here this morning."

"Okay, no, no! No need for drinks. I'll just give her this."

"Suit yourself."

Then there were footsteps walking down the stairs. And my door opened, but I didn't look up. "Lu-ka-chan!" Gumi called in a sing-song voice.

I removed the pillow I covered in my face and lazily looked at her. "Hey there."

"My, my. You look horrible! You even missed our party. Meiko-chan's disappointed," she said, taking a seat on the foot of my bed. I sat up as well, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Well, I… I'm sorry, I sorta forgot."

"Yes you did, because all you've been doing is sitting here inside your room all to yourself and being depressed. Do you think Gakupo-kun will want this to happen to you?" she almost snapped back at me.

I winced. Well, if the rough treatment will help me get back to my senses, then I might just have to thank her later. I shifted my gaze down to her hand and noticed for the first time that she was holding something. It looked like some sort of thick book, or perhaps it was an album.

"What's that?" I asked, pointing.

She looked down at her hand. "An album. Meiko-chan handed them out during the party, and she told me to give you yours."

"Oh, thanks," I said, stretching my arm and opening my hand out to her.

She handed it to me and said, "No problem. Come out of your room some time today, okay? We'll be going out at around three. Feel free to join us, and by that I mean, _be there_. Got it?"

I nodded slowly.

"Well, bye then," she said, leaning down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. I managed a small smile at her. She winked, turned then headed out of the door. I listened to her footsteps fade down the stairs, until I was certain she was out of the house. I sighed.

Falling back down to my bed, I rolled over so I was lying on my stomach and stared at the album. It was pink in color. I'm guessing it was a color-coding thing again. Pink for me, orange for Gumi, red for Meiko, blue for Kaito, green for Miku, and purple for… Gakupo.

Groaning, I forced my mind to think of something else and failed. So with a sigh, I resigned to looking at the album. The cover was hard and it had the word "Memories" on it. I decided it was something Meiko made for all of us. She was the one who always held a camera in her hands whenever they had an event coming. I briefly wondered whether Gakupo had one as well but quickly shook my head to get rid of the thought of Gakupo.

With a sigh, I finally flipped the album open. Sure enough, it had a class picture of us. Two of them, actually. The one on top was formal and the one below was crazier. Meiko had Kaito in a head-lock, but the man was still grinning widely. Miku had her back facing the camera and her arm was raised, pointing up at the sky with her other hand on her hip. Our teacher was in the center, and she seemed to have jumped up from her seat because two of my male classmates were waving like crazy. I was at the end part on the left side with Gumi beside me. We had our arms looped around each other with our free hands making a peace sign. Gakupo… Gakupo was on the other end, laughing. His mouth was wide open and he was clutching his stomach. And I can't help but smile at the picture. I turned to the next page and my breath suddenly caught up in my throat.

We were in the classroom, and I was hugging a teddy bear tightly to my chest. I was sitting on a chair opposite to Gakupo, and we seemed to be talking to each other. I remembered this moment. It was when we were excused from classes and we were decorating the room. I was taking a break and was struck by a sudden inspiration. It was the time when I confessed my feelings to him.

Gulping, I turned to the next pages. It showed pictures of our other classmates. After seven pages, I froze. There was a picture of me and Gakupo, and we were standing side by side. This was on our school festival. That day when I gave him the letter saying my feelings for him.

I shook my head and turned to the next page, feeling relief flood through me when I saw a picture of Gumi, Miku and myself. We were raising a banner that read, _2-A, one class, one family! _I laughed. This was the sports festival. I didn't join any sports because I suck at physical activities. Gumi played chess and Miku gave volleyball a shot for the girls' team. And Gakupo was on the boys' team.

Okay… somehow all of my thoughts were ending on him. It's starting to get really annoying, if not depressing. I turned the page and wish I hadn't.

It was me and me alone. I was holding a piece of colored paper that read _Go Gakupo-kun!_ And it was in my handwriting. I remembered this to be just for fun, and I had no idea they took a picture of this until now. I was cheering for him, watching him play volleyball.

The following pages were safe. It was mostly us when we were participating in academic contests, then there was one of the girls in the cheering contest. And Meiko's group in the dance competition, and so many other memories I laughed at and cried as well.

It was when one-third of the album was left that things suddenly got serious. The first one was Gakupo in front of the class, saying goodbye and thank you to all of us. He was crying, and we all were. Then below it was a picture of me giving my message to him. I remember clearly what I told him as though it was only yesterday.

"_Promise me you'll stay safe, and I wish you all of the best. I wouldn't get my chances up anymore that you'll be staying, though deep down my heart still can't accept the fact. When you leave, I hope you'll be happy, because your happiness is my happiness as well, and… I'm sure you already know this but… you're important to me."_

The next pages were the same, with Meiko, Kaito and Gumi all crying as well as they gave their messages to Gakupo. Miku didn't say anything, but I remember seeing her that day biting her lower lip and looking away. She was fighting back her tears.

The next was a picture of Gakupo giving me a one-armed embrace. My heart leapt. This was right after the crying session. I approached him to give him some candy. Yeah, a bit childish, I know. But every morning I bought myself two pieces of mint candy just to have something in my mouth. I always gave one to him without fail every single day. And he always accepted it with a grin. Even when he was crying.

He even whispered something to me then. _"If I manage to convince my mom to let me stay here next year, we'll be partners for the school dance, okay?"_

I was filled with so much hope by that promise, but things seemed inevitable.

The next were the end-of-year exams. He was leaning against the wall looking a bit shaky. The next picture had me in it, and I was talking to him. The other pictures were us ripping our computation papers into pieces after a head-breaking Algebra and Geometry test, which in truth, I really enjoyed. The questions and problems were very challenging and I had a good time answering and solving them. No one seemed to agree with me, though.

I remembered what he said to me that day that made my eyes fill with tears uncontrollably. _"I don't want to go…"_

Then there was our final homeroom party for the year. We were playing games and we were all laughing, but at the end we all cried. It was our final day together for the year after all. We will be taking a break for quite a while, and even though it's not that long we still felt sad because we won't be seeing each other for some time. Miku was the only one who didn't cry, joking "We'll still see each other next year" and "When classes start, all you guys want to do is to have a vacation. When vacation comes, you don't want to leave. You all seriously need to make up your minds."

I answered her with a hoarse laugh and she hugged me.

Then we had a swimming party. I saw that the pictures consist mostly of all of us jumping into the private pool my auntie owned. It was cold since it was December, but judging from the faces and reactions I saw none of us cared at all. Then us singing like crazy and making the most out of everything. There were no pictures of the Christmas party Meiko held at her own place, and I supposed she finished this album even before that. I felt a bit guilty for not showing up, and I was supposed to help her prepare as well.

At the few final pages of the album were our notes and messages for each other. I read them one by one.

"_Next year I'll be extra crazier for everyone, so better be prepared or else your minds will explode into a million pieces… I love you guys!" –Meiko_

"_Err… what am I supposed to say other than thank you and see you again? You guys all know how I feel already. And besides, it's just… what?... three weeks of break? I wouldn't even call that a vacation! You guys should stop with all the tears, three weeks isn't that long!" –Miku_

"_Thanks guys! Just heed my warning… stay at least a meter away from Mei-chan next year or else! See you in three weeks!" –Kaito_

"_Thanks for everything, really, guys… words can't express how much fun I had this year." –Gumi_

"_Though we part ways for a short amount of time only, it'll feel like forever since we had a special bond among all of us. You guys are like family to me, and without you my life would feel like it's missing something very important. Thank you all…" –Luka_

I turned to the next page after reading my own message and took in a deep breath once I saw an entire page filled with only one message. From Gakupo…

"_I know you guys are all aware of what's going on. I just can't give details since it's sorta… personal, you know. Family matters and such. I just want to let you all know that I will never ever forget this experience. Two years of high school beats six years of elementary and three of junior high. I never felt this happy before, with the company of friends and classmates who all care for me. You're the best, all of you guys. To Kaito-san… you do know that you're crazy, right? Just kidding… you're the best male friend I have there, and I'm grateful for the times we spent together eating ice cream and floats and talking about non-academic stuff during History class. I'll really miss that. To Meiko-san… now I'm serious, you're crazy, and I assume everyone agrees with me. Thanks for the walks and talks we had, the sandwiches we shared during recess and the punches I got from you. They still hurt up to now, you know? But it's fine. To Miku-san… there is no adjective for you. You're a unique person altogether and after two years of knowing you, I can say you're one of the best people who had a part in my life. Thanks for the sarcasm and jokes. They really made me realize something very important that even I, myself, refused to see. To Gumi-san… take care of Luka-san, will you? I know you're her best friend, and please… don't let her throw her life away. Thank you for being patient with me when I refused to recognize my own feelings and such, and if it weren't for you and Miku-san, I'd probably gone insane now. And to Luka-san…"_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I didn't know what to expect, and I'm not entirely sure I wanted to find out what he had to tell me, either. But this was his letter, and I felt that he poured his all into writing this, so I opened my eyes and continued to read.

"_Sorry, for everything. I misunderstood you at first, and I thought that by doing the things I did I won't hurt you. That's where I'm wrong, big time. It took me months to realize that you, too, are special to me, and I never felt this care and concern for anyone before, ever. I read your letter to me over and over again, the one you gave me last homeroom? And I think you're right. I won't say goodbye to you anymore… instead…"_

I smiled and cried at the same time when I read his three final words, muttering "idiot" to myself and shaking my head.

"_See you again." –Gakupo_

He was right… See you again, because…

Goodbye wasn't forever.

_~ END ~_

_A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, you guys! I know some of you will be disappointed with this ending, so…_

_If I get five good reviews I'll make a sequel!_

_The events in the album were all true to life, by the way… I just had an idea to add them in there. *laughs* The teddy bear in the classroom, the darn letter, the homeroom and the crying session, plus the swimming party and exams! And the "Go Gakupo-kun!" banner was true as well, only that it read "Go B****!" in real life… And "2-A! One class, one family!" in real life was "N****! One class, one family!" =)_

_So… sequel, anyone?_


End file.
